I know you've missed my work stories. This happened several weeks ago, but it was too funny not share. Fair warning you might find this vulgar.
It was a bright sunny day. I thought I had the chance to leave work relatively on time. It was a little after 5pm and our evening students were beginning to arrive for their classes. With my purse in hand I get up to head home. I get stopped by the stairs by two employees who were mumbling that they needed to tell me something. Both of their faces turn bright red and they won't look me in the eyes. Finally, one of them blurts out "a student is getting a bj in the parking lot." I naturally ask, "how do you know this?"
Apparently, this student was receiving his afternoon delight in his car without tinted windows. Another student called an instructor to report what he saw. The instructor was off campus so he called another instructor who was at the school. The instructor peeked out a window and confirmed what the student reported. The off campus instructor returned and pulled his car right up next to the love car. The girl jumps up so quickly that she bumps her head on the ceiling and the student is buttoning his pants as quickly as possible.
I got the pleasure of calling my very conservative Mormon male President and explain the situation. So of course using my most professional tact, I blurt out "a student is having oral sex in the parking lot.". This followed by a long awkward silence. He then tells me he's on the way over.
We met with the student and immediately expelled him. The student did not take this well. He stated that while it may have looked bad, his girlfriend was actually kissing his stomach. Then on the way out the door he turned to his instructor and said, "I hope you watch the ten o'clock news. That's where you'll see the report that my dad's killed me."
We have an appeal process and let the student back into school. And obiviously his dad didn't kill him. Lesson learned? Get tinted windows.