"The Greatest Barrier to Success is the Fear of Failure"

-Sven Goran Eriksson

I hate the fear of failing. The anxiety of whether or not you’re good enough for something; its heart wrenching. Granted, while I don’t like it, I’ve never died from failing. Embarrassing? Yes. But, I can look back at all my failures and see exactly what I could have done better.

My earliest failures have to do with cheerleading. For those that don't know, I cheered for 10 years. I failed several times at cheerleading. I almost didn't became a cheerleader. I originally tried out my 7th grade year. All you had to do was go out in front of judges by yourself and do the cheer. I cried and said I didn't want to do it. Eventually, I was talked into it and pushed out in front of the judges. I cried myself through the cheer. I bolted out the door the moment I was done. I repeated this event my 9th grade year when trying out for the JV squad in high school. Our tryouts were open to the public and anyone could watch. I, of course, drew number one. I did it and survived and even made the squad, but not without the tears.

My senior year I lost the votes for cheer captain. That one was a blow to the ego. I had assumed I would be the natural leader. I cried and eventually quit the squad to focus solely on my all-star squad. It was immature and unsupportive. I wasn't a good leader since I assumed it was my role and expected others to follow. It took several years to see that I wasn’t chosen because of my assumption. My last semester of high school I was invited and tried out to be on cheer staff for a cheerleading organization. I didn't make staff. It probably had something to do with the fact that I had no idea what to expect and I was a nervous wreck. I dressed like I was going to practice, I barely talked during the interview, and displayed little confidence.

Also, in high school I ran for Vice-President of Student Council and lost. That stung, but looking back I was the underdog the whole time. I was just too blind and confident to notice. Again, the leadership qualities come back. I didn't know what it was that made someone a leader.

College brought on a whole other round of failures. Realizing that my brain is not as smart as classmates. Having to retake chemistry not twice, but three times. Getting fired from a job because I felt I was smarter than the boss. (Smarter? Maybe. Power over the boss? Definitely not.) Learning you truly get out what you put into, therefore if you put nothing in you get nothing in return. While some of these lessons only took once to learn, others like Chemistry took a couple more attempts.

I’m not sure what prompted a blog about my failures. Maybe the fact that I have an accreditation visit I feel that I’m under prepared for. Maybe because I’m itching for something new but scared I’ll fail. Maybe to reflect back and realize that learning from these only made me stronger.

Blogging when I should be working

I have so much to do. And I decided to take tomorrow off to prepare for Thanksgiving by cleaning my house and making whatever I can make ahead of time. Turns out I'm only going to have my parents over and I'm really excited about it. We don't see them often enough, even though they live just a few miles us.

Did I tell you I have so much to do? I was motivated until the project I picked to do turned out to already be done. (I'm so efficient I forgot that I did work.) Then my motivation went to crap and I'm thinking about other stuff, like what wine I want to stock my wine cooler with. Or how I could use tomorrow to find another pair of cute shoes that I'm sure I'm going to need in the very near future. Or find a purse since I haven't purchased a purse in what feels like a decade.

Alas, I have deadlines that should be able to wait till after the holidays, but my dumbass decided to book an accreditation visit for the WEEK AFTER THANKSGIVING! I suck and need an assistant who plans better than this crap.

Public Speaking

Saturday was graduation for my school. It was the first one in which we actually had graduates; combine all three schools into one graduation. Typically, we have a student speaker from each college. Well, none of my students wanted to speak. None. So guess who got to step up and speak in front of 1,100 people? This girl. It was scary. I was intimidated. But it went great. People, laughed at the right spots, I didn't speak too fast, and it was over before I knew it. Whew.

Oh and my mom dropped a bombshell on me last night. The hubs and I may or may not be hosting my side of the family for Thanksgiving. How do I prepare for that?

Random

• I'm enrolled for graduate courses. It's been 7 years since I've been in school and I'm 100% sure I'm dumber for being in the real world. I hope I can hang with scholars again.
• The Internet has diagnosed me with Seasonal Affective Disorder.
• I got to use my power of authority today by denying a student readmission into school. Take that asswipe for blatantly not likely me for being a women in an authoritative position.
• I bought a sweater dress and love it!! It's fuchsia, my favorite color word.
• Sarah Palin is doing interviews again. Why? She's obviously had better coaching, but I don't understand the motives? I can't stand to watch the interviews so I haven't done enough research to figure out why she's back in the spot light.

WARNING: This is a Cranky Post

I'm not sure why I'm in a foul mood. Maybe because it went from a lovely 70 degrees to a cloudy and ugly 42 degrees. Maybe because I'm playing receptionist, even though I'm the f'ing Campus Director (never too important for any job right?) since the receptionist felt ill with a sore throat and what not. Maybe because my other coworkers are being imbeciles and are out to just piss me off. Whatever.

I had a great weekend in St. Louis. Maybe that's why I'm cranky? Since I spent all day driving back to T-town in the rain. Regardless, the weekend was great. The wedding was everything the bride wanted it to be. And even better, it was the last one of the year!!

It was a catholic ceremony and during the homily the Priest discussed a passage in Tobit about Sara and Tobias. It was Sara's 7th marriage because all of her previous husbands were killed by demons on the wedding night. So the Priest talks about other demons that can kill the marriage, like demon of laziness, demon of busyness, and demon of CONTRACEPTION. I swear he yelled it. He then went off about how contraception puts material walls between the marriages. It was just a touch over the top for a wedding ceremony.

I think today I just don't like people. Do you ever get that way? I feel like this is an only child syndrome. Growing up I spent a lot of time by myself. I was able to decompress and be alone without someone asking me my every thought. I don't think I was able to do that this weekend and therefore, everyone is pissing me off. This is one of the hardest parts about marriage for me. There are just times I need to be alone and he really doesn't get it. He takes it personally and tries even harder to spend time with me, i.e. actually laying on me. Then I get pissed off that he's laying on me and not leaving me alone. Sigh. Hopefully this mood will pass quickly.

Wishful Wednesday/Bedroom Reveal

'I wish' .... I never had to vacuum/sweep again!

We have two pups and while I love them dearly, they shed like its nobodies business. That and my shedding, there's a lot of vacuuming and sweeping going on in our household. I can seriously vacuum/sweep and the next day it looks like I didn't even touch the floors. Clumps of dog hair piled together in corners, white hair covering the rugs. Its frustrating and I need a roomba!

To check out other Wishful Wednesday posts or to link your post go to Kelsey's blog.

Here is my the semi-reveal to the bedroom. Its not done, but if I wait to post pics till its done no one will ever see the room.

Remember the before?

Now the After!! I even made the headboard myself. Super easy project.

Now I just need night stands, a fan, and other decorative items...

Blog Award

Thank you Joy at emotionaldiva.

The rules for this one are simple; just share five things you are obsessed with, and then pass the award on to five of the most fabulous blogs you read!

1. Decorating my bedroom. It's been painted and its VERY blue. I hung curtains and I'm working on the head. Will post pics hopefully later this week.
2. My iPhone. This piece of technology amazes and entertains me daily.
3. Fantasy Football. I was doing so well and now all my players are hurt.
4. Reality TV - especially Biggest Loser, RR/WR The Ruins, The FoodNetwork Challenges
5. Not eating pizza. Dave and I eat pizza probably 3 times a week with the ready made dough that you just have to top and put in the oven for 7 minutes. Its quick and easy and we eat it way too often. So far, we've gone one full week without any pizza.

Five Fabulous Bloggers

1. I love Guiness - when she blogs!
2. Joyfully Gray - who isn't more fabulous then Lucia?
3. A Little of What you Fancy Does you Good - did you see the great cake for CJ? That's deserves an award of its own!
4. Adventures in Mommyhood - because Parker got his dancing skills from his mama
5. Miss Priss Does a Blog - have you seen Sir Henry - too cute!
   

Designers - Tim Gunn

I heart Tim.

I need help. So I'm calling all my creative home decorators. I want to decorate my master bedroom. We've lived here over a year and it looks like we just moved in. As you can see I can't seem to decide on a color scheme. Anyone have some fabulous ideas they would like to share? I like the bedspread, but I can persuaded to do something else. It's a small room, 14' x 16'? I like clean lines and a casual feel. I don't the hubby would take too kindly to floral or girly colors.

Here's two other bedrooms that I like.

The extra hour did not provide me with more time

This week has been crazy! I thought I would be all on top of my game with the extra hour and it has totally threw me off. I stay up way too late and its hard to get up the next day. On Sunday I became overly productive with laundry and cleaning the neglected house. Monday I decided not only did we need groceries, but I needed to cook dinner and something for the next night. I never do that!

Halloween was so much fun! I hope everyone had a fantastic weekend. I have more to blog about but I'll have to do it at another time. So I'll leave you with you with this.